I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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