These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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