Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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