But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
