I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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