guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
