Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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