So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
