My nipple is on Facebook.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
