I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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