I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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