a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
