ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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