Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
