I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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