i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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