it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
