I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
