she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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