Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
