But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
