I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
