What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
