Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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