I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
