Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
