We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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