shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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