I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
