That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
