I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
