I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
