people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
