Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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