woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
