"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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