my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
