dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
