Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
