Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
