I feel great
I just peed on a car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
