just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
