i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
