I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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