Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
