We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
