Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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