What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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