I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
