So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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