Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
